dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He? As in you personified your dick?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
