I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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