my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
