Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
