Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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