Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
