Too much gin, very little bucket
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
