At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
