i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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