If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Randomize
