____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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