He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
