yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
