I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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