the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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