thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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