i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
