I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
