U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
