so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
