i permit you to call me
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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