i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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