I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Randomize
