I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
