She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
