never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
