I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
