I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
