the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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