She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I deserve to be covered in dicks
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
