Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
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