Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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