theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
