Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
