Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
you never un-have a 4some
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
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