we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
