Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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