can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on