My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt