You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.