Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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