We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
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