I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
