I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
