grandma shit on top of the toilet
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
