my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Drunk walkin through police station. America
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
