This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
