I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
