What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
My feet surprised me
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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