we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
