somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
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