you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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