oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
