I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
