Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Randomize
