this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
