I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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