So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
We are two peas in an std pod
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
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