i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
