Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
