doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize