A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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