can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
