Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
