he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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