i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
