we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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