omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
