Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
