there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
