if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Randomize
