shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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